we shouldn’t be back at home right now.
we should be at the hospital – all three of us.
but the fact is, the new addition to our happy little family is more than a bit reluctant to make his appearance.
at the end of twelve hours of a pitocin iv drip, increased every thirty minutes to a very high dose, i was having painful and prolonged contractions but the baby wasn’t where he was supposed to be. he hadn’t dropped far enough into my pelvis, and apparently it is also quite possible he is backwards (posterior, not breach).
my doctor, who i love more and more as each stage of this drama is revealed, gave us three choices:
a) stay the night, and continue the pitocin drip – maybe it would do something, she said, though she seemed doubtful.
b) go home. take hot showers, get some rest, walk around – maybe it would trigger natural labor, she said, though she wasn’t promising anything.
c) have a caesarean, tonight.
the whole reason why we’re pursuing this so much (in addition to the fact that i’m overdue, of course) is that my blood pressure has been waaaaay up and then down and then waaay up and then down. today, however, it was reasonable, and the baby looks and sounds great. so immediate danger to either of us was not part of the equation.
danny and i talked and both thought choice two was the best – the idea of staying any longer was so unappealing, especially with an almost-guarantee that it wouldn’t fix anything, that we immediately eliminated choice one. choice three, well, i’ll get to that in a second.
we thought instead that coming home gave us the most flexibility with the greatest promise of comfort. dr. dahr said it was possible that with the huge amount of pitocin i had had i could very easily progress this weekend, but she was also very realistic – which brings me back to choice three.
she was brutally honest with us and said she thought it quite likely i could end up needing a caesarean anyway. her explanation was that the baby is two big – which is a funny thing to think about since he weighs about seven and a half pounds right now. she asked me how tall i was, and i said about five foot three or so, and she said, “are you really? i think more like five foot. the baby is too big, you are too small!” basically, his shoulders and head are too wide to fit nicely in my pelvic whateveritscalled, which is why he can’t drop and which is why we’re having so much trouble progressing to the next stage in the game.
the plan now is to go back for another non-stress test on saturday and then back on monday for a pitocin drip…which, if it doesn’t work after about four hours pretty much locks in the c-section option as a go. the fact that he is likely posterior only adds to that possibility – although if a miracle occurs and he drops to where he is supposed to be and labor progresses naturally, there are things they can do about the posterior-ness that don’t involve surgery.
i’m okay with this – scared and nervous and having fear-of-unknown, but i’m okay. i’m pretty uncomfortable since i’m still having contractions, and mentally it’s tough because i know they’re probably not doing much. we’re just trying to take it a little bit at a time – not even day by day, but like, couple hours by couple hours. dan has been absolutely incredibly awesome through this whole experience, and he’s no doubt almost as tired as i am (although he was allowed to eat today – and i wasn’t! just because they thought she might do the c-section today, i couldn’t eat for fourteen hours!) and just as anxious.
ultimately, i know it’s a pain in the ass for you guys too – how long has this been dragging out, really?! so i wish i was able to give you good news , but i guess we’ll all have to continue to be patient.
oh, and i’m not really up to talking on the phone, by the way, so i appreciate the calls and messages but please please don’t take it personally if i don’t answer. text me if you’d like – i almost always respond to those, and have been using them as well to communicate with some of you already.