I recently posted the story of Avi telling me about a school snack mishap that ended with, “something must have happened to the lollipop because when I went to get it out of my bag at aftercare, zero lollipops!” He wasn’t upset, but he did sound surprised that an item he was expecting to be in his book bag was not in fact there.
Semantically, I’m a huge fan of this. In fact, I had a similar problem with cheese this weekend that I *know* I put into my cart and paid for, but when I brought the grocery bag home, zero lollipops!
Or when we went to the beach in August, and I went to get Avi’s toothbrush out of the toiletries bag, zero lollipops!
And perhaps the most heinous example of them all (and the only time I’ve ever done anything like this), about a year ago I pulled out my wallet after getting the check at a restaurant only to discover, zero lollipops!
Ladies and gentlemen, zero lollipops is totally a thing, we just never knew what to call it before. You’re welcome.
So I try to capture as many of these hilarious examples of Avi-speak as possible, but I have an imperfect system. There are a few in my blog archives or buried on Facebook. Many are posted as they happen to Twitter, albeit to my private account, and the spontaneity of that medium works well. Longer examples with narrative are of course shared right here. What I should have done is set up a dedicated feed for Avi quotes years ago but the inspiration didn’t hit until the zero lollipops story.
And so, without further ado, may I present @zerolollipops, a collection of spectacular, mostly-real-time Avi quotes. Follow, subscribe or just read here on the sidebar.